My Funk

I cannot believe that I'm coming up on the one month marker of the last time I blogged. Wasn't my New Years Resolution to blog more?? I think it's the word "year" in New years resolution that overwhelms me. A year is overwhelming when I think about it all at once. So I have a new plan! A February resolution. I resolve to blog once a week during the month of February. Let's see if this line of thinking works better for me! My blogging is obviously a work in progress, which so am I, and that's actually what I have been thinking about tonight...


Besides being overwhelmed by the scary "year" word, I will be honest and tell you that I have been in such a funk the last couple of weeks! A funk that no amount of coffee, facebook, TV or even pioneer woman cooking could fix. And let me just say, for anyone that has never tried her cinnamon rolls, chicken spaghetti or meatballs that is QUITE. A. FUNK. There are not many funks that woman's food can not fix. Or at least take your mind off of for awhile.

For several days I was trying to figure out if I was in the middle of a hormonal funk or a spiritual funk and finally decided it was both. As women, when we are in a hormonal funk, it seems to make our spiritual warfare that much more difficult. Or is it only me? When my feelings feel so real and so justified and so true, how do I keep them in check? How do I NOT live out of my feelings? And it's when I'm feeling down, of course, that a lie from Satan will hit me and instead of "taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one", I tend to just agree with the lies (fiery darts) that are being thrown my way.

I hear a lie like... "you're not good enough", "this is just your lot in life" or "no one understands me" and instead of taking up the shield of faith and distinguishing those fiery darts with the TRUTH like...'I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength", "All things work together for the good of those who love him and have been called according to his purpose" or "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms", I let that thought take up residence in my mind.

And then I go a step further by believing it. I believe a lie from none other than my enemy. My enemy that I know wants only to kill, steal and destroy me. It's like superman believing something that Lex Luther says. Not that I'm superman. But you get the point. I hope. I choose to agree with my enemy and by agreeing with him I live like what he says is true.

Saying it now, out loud, it seems so silly. But so often I do just that. I accept the lie as truth, which makes me feel like the lie is true, which makes me act like the lie is true which makes me LIVE LIKE THE LIE IS TRUE. God forbid! Right? God forbid that I live like a lie straight out of hell is TRUE. So what do I do? How do I get out of this ugly cycle?

I am convinced that freedom from believing these lies comes from 2 Corinthians 10:5..." we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." The freedom is in capturing those thoughts, those lies from satan before they play out in our lives as truth. We capture them at the threshold of the mind. We recognize the ploys of an enemy who "walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour." Right there, in the instant that a lie pops into our head, we confront it with the truth. So much easier said than done! For me, anyway. I honestly say to you that this is a struggle for me. It is a struggle for me to, in the moment, recognize a lie for a lie and confront it with the truth. But that is my prayer. I am determined to stand firm and trust my God, rely on my God and believe my God. No longer will I beleive my enemy. I will beleive my God.

My January 1st

I love the feeling of a new year. It's like clothes right out of the dryer--all warm and refreshing and the smell....yes, January definitely has a fresh clean laundry kind of smell! Don't you think?? It's like a clean slate or a fresh box of crayons. Oh, I love it. Well, this January has been a little strange for me. I was wondering why I didn't feel all fresh and new. I had not had even one frantic urge to get in shape, organize, clean and just do...well... fresh, clean, January things that we all do. I was starting to wonder what was wrong with me.

UNTIL TODAY.

Today is my January. I should have known all along that my January wonderfulness wouldn't kick in until the 5th. See, now that I have a school aged child, our break lasts until January 5th. And we have been livin. it. up. Jammie days, movie days, cookie days, you name it...if it's fun and relaxing and TASTES GOOD...that's what we've been doing at my house.

UNTIL TODAY.

Today my alarm went off at 6 AM again.
Today I had to get the kids up, fed, dressed and out the door by 7:30.
Today I had to (brace yourself)... WORK OUT.

It's been longer than two weeks on that one. I had surgery in mid November, and had not even LOOKED at the treadmill since then. But today my routine kicked in...FULL GEAR. And let me tell you what--it was grand. So wonderful. Me, my children and even my husband slipped back into our routine so wonderfully. But of course today it was even better because it's January. And January makes all things better. At least in my head. Snicker.
I did sit down today and map out my goals and directions for fitness, nutrition, parenting, and a few other things today. I will be sharing these things at some point, but for now I have got to go to bed...the alarm will be sounding off in 8 short hours. so I bid you all farewell. And Happy warm, fuzzy, laundry smelling January to you all.

"Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind ? Should old acquaintance be forgot, and old lang syne?..."

I don't know that it was my best New Years, but I am certain it was not my worst. I was 15, I think. My sister and I had our best friends, Sara and Emily, at our house in Illinois for a visit. We had a great time at midnight going out into the snow covered yard and singing "auld lang syne." After that we went walked around the neighborhood screaming "Happy New Year" to everyone we saw, even being warned by one concerned woman, "you girls be careful...there's crazies out tonight." We thought it was so funny, and now, 12 years later, I still remember it, and warned myself (in my head of course!) on the way home from New Years Eve festivities tonight, "be careful, Sarah...there's crazies out tonight". So funny how things like that stick with you.

But tonight, it is not that memory that I am reflecting on the most. Tonight I am remembering the past year. My 2009....

It was a hard year. Very hard year. I wish I had documented the events and happenings better than I did, but unfortunately most of the years memories can only be found in my mind and in my heart instead of in a journal. But, even though they are not all written out, I remember them. And how dear and precious this hard year has been to me. Without this year, I don't know where I would be. Because, you see, this year, I have hurt, I have cried, I have panicked and I have suffered. But praise the Lord that is not all that happened this year. This year I have learned, I have been comforted, I have grown.

When I think back to where I was 1 year ago--in January of 2009--I remember my luke warm relationship with God. I remember my life of legalism and expectations. I was living to perform for my God and I was failing miserably. In 2009 I faced personal struggles and even personal crisis that caused me to have nowhere to turn but to my God. A God that I was treating as though he lived inside a scripture in an old dusty bible instead of IN ME. In 2009 God brought me to my knees...no, to my FACE before him. He brought me to a place of surrender, a place of hurting, and finally, a place of brokenness-a place of brokenness so bad that I thought I couldn't take it and then amazingly the brokenness turned into something else. It turned into a place of healing, a place of growing and a wonderful place of true, meaningful relationship with my Savior. A place I had never been before. I walked through hard situations and hard circumstances and through it all my God was revealing things to me. He was teaching me how to forgive, how to pray, how to depend on him. He was breaking down strongholds, freeing me from sin and transforming my heart. And he's still doing it. God is teaching me things so real and so true it amazes me. I know that as hard as this past year was, and as hard as some parts of my life still are, that I wouldn't change it. I wouldn't want him to take it away, because I know that all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to his purpose. I cling to the truth that God is working when I see it and when I don't see it. I believe that my savior loves me with an unimaginable love and is fighting battles for me everyday. That he is for me, and that everything he allows me to walk through is for my good and his glory. And I say that knowing full well that 2010 will bring it's own struggles, it's own hardships and it's own trials. But praise the Lord for his wonderful Grace that is sufficient for me!

"...there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ¹⁰That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Jesus Love Me...this I know

Tonight my four year old and Two year old climbed in my lap for a prayer time before going to bed. "Mommy! Sing us a song!" Ruthie begged, "Sing us 'Jesus loves me this I know'!"

Jesus loves me-this I know...words we have all heard over and over and over again. But to hear that sweet, four year old voice ask for her favorite song put chills all over me. She didn't just ask for "Jesus loves me", but "Jesus loves me- THIS I KNOW."

As we sang the song together, "Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so",

I found myself really contemplating the words. Jesus LOVES me-I don't THINK he does, I don't HOPE he does, I don't WONDER if he does...I KNOW he does! And how do I know? Because the BIBLE tells me so! It doesn't get much more simplistically wonderful than that, does it?

As adults I think too many times we get caught up in thinking we are only loved by God when we make the "right" decisions. When we are "good" parents, when we are treating our spouse well-or are being treated well by our spouse. When we have the perfect job, the nice car, the big home, the comfortable income. We base our love from God and for God on our feelings instead of on the truth. The truth is what God says. What does God think about us? What does he say about us?

He Says...

He will love you and bless you

(Deuteronomy 7:13)

He Says...

He will rejoice over you

(Isaiah 62:5)

He Says...

He will quiet you with his love

(Zephaniah 3:17)

He Says...

He will love you freely

(Hosea 14:4)

He Says...

we can rely on the love He has for us.

He says...

He is love

(1 John 4:16)

He says...

We love because He first loved us

(1 John 4:19)

He says...

He, our Father, has loved us and by his grace has given us eternal encouragement and good hope

(2 Thessalonians 2:16)

He says...
This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins

(1 John 4:10)

As I read from the bible about the things I KNOW to be true, it got me thinking: What does the world know to be true?

Several years ago I watched a popular afternoon talk show quite regularly and the host would often ask her famous guests the same question, "What do you know for sure?" As I researched answers to the question tonight, one of the most disturbing that I came across was from famous make-up artist, Brandy Gomez-Duplessis, who said,

"I know that I will always be a brand, I will always make money and I will always have a successful business."

In a drastic contrast, pop singer Michael Jackson, said:

"...I can't say that I know anything for sure. I really believe that."

Whether, as the former, the world claims to know and be sure of the confidence in itself or, as the latter, in desperation admits that they are not sure and do not know if they have confidence in anything, we as Christ followers can know for sure that the LORD will be our confidence (Proverbs 3:26) and that he has loved us with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3). Praise God that based on nothing I have done and based on everything that Christ has done for me, I can answer this question with confidence in my Savior....

What do I know for sure? Jesus love me----this I KNOW.

Snow Day

I can't believe that only three short days after my post, "Spring in the Air" I am now posting a blog entitled, "Snow Day."

As alot of you know, we no longer have a TV at our house. Well, we do have a TV, but with no cable or sattelite service, it's not really functional. So, we don't really keep up with the news. Which is wonderful in some aspects, I've never been a fan of watching the news. And in other ways it's not really great-like a couple weeks ago when we headed out to church saying, "it looks kind of stormy out" and by the time we got to Jodeco road, there was hail falling and tornado sirens going off.

So, you think I would have learned my lesson, but Saturday when someone mentioned the "coming snow" I thought they were crazy!! Hadn't I just had my first day of spring play with my girls?? Well, believe it or not, it DID snow. As as the morning service was over on Sunday, we walked out of the sanctuary to see beautiful, white, fluffy snow falling!! It was very exciting!

That afternoon we took the girls out to play. Here are a few pictures from our snow day.

Sophie was not a friend to the cold. SHe kept trying to cover up her face!

Sophie gave up quickly and went inside to get warm.

She would come to the glass door and stare at us like we were crazy for being outside!

Danny and Ruthie braved the cold for a loooong time, and even built a snowman together!

Spring in the Air

I don't know that I have a favorite season. I enjoy all of them and throughout my life have had wonderful memories of each; spending all day roaming the streets of our small town by foot or bike, with my cousins and sister during the summer; feeling the fall breeze as we walked the streets of the local Jubilee, the smell of corn on the cob, Carmel apples and funnel cakes all around us; during the winter I remember piling on long underwear, eating cream of wheat for breakfast, and trying to warm up by squeezing in close to the wood stove with my sister; and finally...Spring! In particular that time between winter and Spring, the days you could actually smell the Flowers in the air, notice the bees buzzing around once more, and see the brown grass turning green. It was warm enough to play outside in our short sleeve shirts, but with the winter breeze still lingering, it was cool enough to not get too hot. We never had to stop our play to lay in the shade and cool down or run inside to guzzle down some water and take a rest. Yes, on those days you knew-Spring Was In The Air.

That's the kind of day we had yesterday. I knew as soon as I walked outside to get the mail and was met with that old, familiar smell. That smell that you can describe no other way than "It smells like Spring today!" Which is exactly what I said to my Girls when I got back inside from getting the mail. At once we got dressed, got our lunch ready and headed out the door-for that first day of Spring play after what has seemed like a long winter!





We went to Noah's Ark for a picnic




The Lion was Sophie's favorite, and Ruthie liked the Tiger the best. If you look closely, maybe you can see too drool dripping from the tiger's mouth. He was pacing back and forth drooling the whole time...I think he though we looking like a tasty treat!



Sweet Sisters!

Lent

I was driving in the car this morning, listening to the radio in between my four year olds stories about everything from her friends at church to the butterfly she saw out of her window, to Toby Mac (who, by the way, she thinks should be our next president-too funny not to mention!!).
Ruthie does not have many times when she doesn't feel the need to chat, and even fewer times when she has nothing to say. Today, however, she happened to quiet down right in time for a news break on the radio. They were talking about Lent and the article from the Wall Street Journal, that is getting a lot of attention, about adults giving up Facebook for Lent. Which got me thinking...




As a stay at home Mom, life can become lonely, routine and tiring. Facebook is an outlet. A link to the rest of the world. It started as something fun, a way to keep in touch with other stay at home Moms, with friends I don't see very often and with family that live out of state. But all too soon, what was a fun game became a dangerous addiction. Am I staying at home with my kids so that I can sit at the computer and see who tagged who in a picture, who "has ended their relationship" or "poked" me? When was the last time I took my kids for a walk or sat down and played a board game with them? I can tell you this-it's A LOT fewer and far between then my facebook activity! Am I spending more time on facebook then I am showering my kids with love and much needed attention? Without a doubt!
Now let's dig a little deeper...Am I spending more time with facebook than I am spending with my Savior? Where do I go when:
I wake up in the morning? To check my facebook.
I feel frustrated? To check my facebook.
I feel sad? To check my facebook.
I feel overwhelmed? To check my Facebook.
I feel lonely? To check my facebook.
It is embarrassing enough to admit these things to myself, it is mortifying to admit them to you. But here I am, in honesty, saying, Facebook has become an idol in my life. All too often I am running to facebook to forget my hurts instead of running to my saviour to heal my hurts. But giving it up?? Last week I tried to check my facebook twice a DAY and it felt like torture, and I only lasted ONE....yes, ONE day! Could God honestly be calling me out of facebook for FORTY days???...I've never even THOUGHT about lent! Why now? Why today? Why this? As soon as I got home I sat down and started my research...



The observance of Lent has been around for thousands of years. Research on the subject reveals that the 40 days of fasting is meant to mirror the 40 days that Christ spent in the desert, being tempted by Satan. Traditionally, the church was given specific instructions on fasting from food; what kind of food, for how long, and at what meals. Over the years, the meals changed, snacks were added and now a lot of people that observe lent give up only an item of food, such as sugar or soft drinks, and others choose another route-giving up a bad habit or a hobby for 40 days.
The purpose of Lent is to deny yourself, and focus on Christ. It is to be an act of prayer, patience and self denial. Many people, such as myself, think of lent as a Catholic event but as I researched it this afternoon I was surprised to find out that in addition to the Catholic church, several Christian denominations observe Lent to some degree. It is a touchy subject, many Christians thinking it a legalistic ritual and believing that the free in Christ should not take part in it, while others believe it to be not an obligation, but a personal choice to be decided individually as the Holy Spirit leads. and what do I think?...
I absolutely know that to the Christian, lent is not an obligation, but a choice. And so what do I choose? I choose Christ. I choose to take these next several weeks before Easter to reflect on and spend time with my God. To focus on everything that Christ has done and is doing for me, and to run to him when life is too much. I choose to sacrifice an idol in my life, as I remember the sacrifice He made for me on the cross.

"Then he said to them all: 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.'
Luke 9:23

Please pray for me during this time as I make this ever so small sacrifice of an idol in my life. My prayer is that God will teach me something through this and that he will reveal other things in my life that I have not surrendered to him.


You can read the Wall Street Journal article at http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123509424821028985.html