I've Moved!!

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Happy Birthday

My husband was carving our first pumpkin as a married couple. We were living in a one room apartment and had been married all of two weeks. Maybe it was three...regardless...it was less than a month! We got married on October 3, 2003 and he was carving our pumpkin, so I know it was before October 31st! I'm sure I have the correct date written down somewhere, but lets get on with the story...

Six years and about nine months ago today, Danny was carving our first pumpkin as a married couple. I asked him to stop for a minute so I could show him the pregnancy test I had just taken. positive. wow. Here we go. I don't remember the exact words, but I remember the feeling. I was beyond thrilled. Our honeymoon baby would be with us well before our 1st anniversary. Over the next nine months I would encounter people assuming and even daring to say to my face things insinuating that I had been pregnant before our marriage. It was hurtful. In addition to that, I would get comments from people about how we were "moving to fast" and how we "should have taken your time." Praise the Lord that in addition to all of the people that spoke dread, fear and curses over our precious pregnancy were the sweet family and friends that rejoiced with us and immediately started loving our little angel. It was a long nine months with a very sick, pregnant new bride. I was teaching school, throwing up an unimaginable amount of the time, and sure I knew exactly the kind of mother I would be. I remember saying to my friends "I've babysat for years, I've taught kindergarten, I've seen good parents and bad ones. I know EXACTLY how to be a good mom." I laugh now as I remember it. And cringe. How could I have been so arrogant and naive? I had no clue.

Six years ago today I went into the hospital scared to death about the delivery that I knew was coming. The nurses, Dr.s, and my husband had strict instructions. #1 rule for my husband: "I cannot be left alone at any point" I told him, "Don't leave my side for a second." Twelve hours later, at 8:05 PM, I was in an OR having a c-section and didn't know the sex of my baby yet. I was so cold and I remember the weight of the heated blanket on top of me. I was in and out from the sedatives they had given me, but I jerked awake when I heard the cry. I looked at my husband.

"go ahead and tell mom, Dad" the Nurse said.

"It's a girl!" Danny said.

"Ruthie?" I asked.

"Ruthie." he said.

I cried as he brought her over to me, clean and wrapped at this point. immediately I knew a love I only thought I knew when she was living in my womb. This love was something I had never felt before. They went to take her to do all the stuff they do to newborns and I looked at Danny who was standing beside me. As instructed. "Go with her" I said "don't leave her side for a second." I knew at that moment that I no longer mattered. It no longer mattered that I was left in a room to have my uterus and abdomen sewn back together with no one by my side. Now, SHE MATTERED MORE. I knew that for the rest of my life I would lay down my own desires, wants and needs to love and protect this precious child. Becoming a mother changed me.

Ruthie was born to parents barely in their twenties who had hardly learned anything about living life, and knew even less about being married or raising children. We have made many mistakes and I'm sure have many more to make, but by the grace of a very loving God, today we have a wonderful, well adjusted, smart, kind, energetic, loving 6 year old. I love my Ruthie for who she is, for what she is becoming, for the things God is already doing in her heart and in her life. I love how fun-loving she is, the way she thinks, the funny things she says and does, the amazing lessons I have learned because of her. I love watching her be a big sister, an oldest daughter, a leader. I love when she is independent and I love when she needs and wants her Mom to help her. I love that she loves to learn and read and that she loves to play and be silly. I love that she adores nature and appreciates so much about God's creation at such a young age. I loved watching her pull up for the first time, take her first steps, speak her first words, go to her first birthday party, make her first friend. I loved watching her color her first picture, pet her first animal, sleep in her first "big girl" bed. I loved watching her ride a horse for the first time, go to her first day of school, accept Christ as her savior. I have loved watching my baby grow into a beautiful child...inside and out.

Happy Birthday, Ruthie!

Ruthie's Story

It is the third week of February and this is my 2nd post of the month. If you read my post, my funk, then you know I should be on my 3rd post at this point. It's okay though. I'm not going to live under law and condemn myself for being behind. Although satan would love it if I did. Which only gives me more of a reason not to! No, I'm living under grace so I know that it's okay that I'm only on my 2nd post. And I can tell you that it's only by the grace of God that I have time (and energy!) right now to sit down and write this one! And not because I am holding myself to it, but because they are basically already written in my head, I will probably be posting twice this week anyway. Sigh of relief for all of you list makers. :)

Last week was a busy week. Tuesday we had to take our youngest daughter to the ER for what turned out to be a migraine. That was traumatic. Wednesday we had church and so, on Thursday afternoon, I was thinking we were going to have a calm, peaceful night. And we did. More peaceful than I thought it could be! I was on the computer, checking facebook or my email no doubt, and my five year old daughter, Ruthie, said from the floor where she was playing, "Mommy, I don't know if I'm saved" Well, of course this got my attention quickly. "what do you mean?" I asked her. "Well," she said, in her precious, little five year old voice, "last year, when I told you I wanted to get saved and you wouldn't let me, I prayed anyway. So I don't know if I'm saved." The "year ago" that she is referring to, was actually about six months ago and she was asking alot of questions, but didn't seem ready. So I told her I didn't think she was ready but that we would keep praying about it. Well, apparently, she didn't take my word for it and prayed anyway. I love that kind of faith! Especially in my daughter.
Well, right in that moment I felt fear, and I, for a moment, (or five!), I gave in to it. I don't want to tell you this part, but I will. I'm making myself. Okay, here goes. Prepare to laugh at me as I prepare to be humiliated.
I said to Ruthie, "Mommy has to go to the potty. I will be right back and we will finish this conversation. So I went to the back of the house, and hiding from a five year old, I called a much wiser than I friend and said, "Ruthie's asking questions about being saved...tell me what to do!" Well, I obviously knew what to do, but I did want to make sure that I asked the right questions that really got to the heart of what was going on and would really reveal to me if she was ready. The friend gave me advice and Ruthie and I laid on her bed for the next twenty minutes or so and had a conversation that I will never forget. At the end of the conversation She prayed and asked Jesus to forgive her sins and to live in her heart! PEACE.
That night after prayer time, I heard her whisper, "Jesus is my savior."
Sunday night she wanted to go tell the preacher that she got saved. She didn't go to the front of the church, I guess she wasn't ready for that quite yet. Which is so fine. But she did go up to him afterwards and I heard him ask her where she was when she got saved and then, "Who talked to you about it?" to which she replied, "God." I LOVE IT. LOVE IT. I am, and will always be eternally thankful to my savior for drawing my little girls heart to his own. And I know he has great plans for her. I Know that for as long as I live I am going to love watching his love and his grace work in her heart and through her life.

This morning I woke up to the rain pouring down. Which is a lovely sound when you can stay at home, snuggled up under the electric blanket. But of course, I had to get out in it. Any other day I would be dreading this. But today was different. Today I hoped right up, started getting dressed and didn't even care that I was about to encounter a monsoon.

Today was Beth Moore day.

I met Jenny in the Target parking lot at 8 and we headed to Marietta. I so wish I had pictures of the traffic when we first got on 75 (cars were backed all the way up the entrance ramp), the rain as it poured down, our shocked faces as somehow the traffic cleared in just the right places for us to make it to the HOV lane, (which we are both certain shaved hours off our travel time), us realizing we had made it 50 miles in a little less than an hour (despite the odds of the weather and the traffic!), us going the wrong way off the exit, making illegal u-turns, having no idea what the directions really said, and especially I wish I could share pictures of us passing chick-fil-a's, dunkin donuts and Starbucks, with our stomachs roaring their disapproval of our decision to trudge on--all in the name of meeting Beth Moore. But more than all of that I wish I could show you us doing our happy squeals complete with a happy dance as we caught sight of the Boarders book store (we had already mistaken sears for it once and were highly disappointed) and realized the parking lot didn't look that full after all. Or as we got a parking spot right in front. I wish I could show you us running in the pouring rain, sharing Jenny's umbrella, or the cashiers laughing at our excitement over getting "first color tickets." I can't share any pictures of those memories with you but I hope your imagination took you there with us. Now, thanks to Jenny and her wonderfully working camera (mine's been broken for months!), I can show you pictures of what I like to call

The Best Day Ever

First, A little history so you can see WHY this is such a BIG DEAL to me...

When I was 18 I was invited to take a bible study class. It was a DVD bible study by someone named Beth Moore, whom I had never heard of before. I sat in the class, called "breaking free" and thought to myself, "this woman's pretty good at teaching." I didn't really understand alot of what she was teaching, but she was entertaining. She was funny and she kept my attention. I did none of the at home homework that went along with the study, telling myself I was just "too busy", and pretty soon I dropped out of the class completely. Five years after that bible study I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior. It had to nothing to do with the bible study, and everything to do with my savior pursuing me and capturing me with his love. Soon after I got saved a friend of mine gave me a Beth Moore day-by-day devotional book. I remembered her from that first bible study I had started taking and things I had heard in that class started coming back to me. I remember reading or hearing her say at some point that two things she loved were the sound of bible pages turning and the smell of coffee--both of which she enjoyed every morning. I now think of that every morning as I'm enjoying my coffee, along with my scripture reading. I pray as my girls grow up they will look back and have memories of laying in their beds in the wee morning hours hearing from the living room the sound of bible pages turning and the smell of coffee.

Over the years, I read some things by Beth Moore and listened to her on the radio during a time when we drove a jeep that didn't have a working FM radio station. I grew to really respect this woman. She had amazing insight into scripture and she had a way of teaching I had never encountered before. It was like she was talking directly to me--right out of the radio. I also came to know that she had been set free from years and years of generational bondage. I was captured by what little of her story I knew, and what little of her teaching I heard. Some time after that, our church did a Saturday event for women and featured a Beth Moore video, "Loving Well" in which I learned I had no idea what real love was. I was confused and frustrated afterwards. I pushed it out of my head. A couple of years after that, Four years after coming to know Christ as my savior, I was privilaged to be going through discipleship training with some of the wisest, most godly people I know and I was learning things about my God I had never known before. I was raised in a Southern Baptist church and I was learning things I had NEVER HEARD BEFORE. The Lord was drawing me to himself and revealing unimaginable things to me. And he still is. It was and is a hard place with personal struggle and brokenness and right at the beginning of it a friend asked me to go to a Beth Moore bible study with her. It was "Esther", which, honestly, I thought was going to be boring. I remember thinking that I wish it was going to be on something I could relate to. I had NO CLUE what I was getting into. God used the things I learned in that Esther bible study to change parts of my heart that I didn't know needed to be changed. I was once again enamored by Beth Moore and her teaching style, her understanding of scripture and her love for our God. But most of all I was astonished at how what I learned drew me nearer to my God. Just so you can see a little glimpse of what I'm talking about, here is an excerpt from the "Esther: it's Tough Being a Woman" bible study. I still have this hanging on my fridge, now, a year and a half after taking the class...

"something is always wrong! I live in the real world where I get my feelings hurt, go to funerals, get rejected, catch stomach viruses and age overnight....but here's the good news...

the ending to each story is happy, but before that happy ending, much grief occurs.

...when we trust our lives to the hand and pen of an ever present God, he will write our lives into His story and every last one of them will turn out to be a great read.

With a grand ending.

And not just in spite of those catastrophes. Often because of them.

Don't just wait and see. Live and see."

I hope this shows you just a little bit of how powerful that bible study is. So much to be learned in Esther. So Much! Anyway, after that bible study I started Reading the Living Proof Ministries blog and quickly became a "siesta". Around October of 2009 I heard that Beth Moore was coming to Atlanta the following April for the conference "So long, insecurity." I was SO excited! I wanted so badly to go. The tickets were $50 and I knew I couldn't swing that at the time....right before a very expensive surgery I had to have and right before Christmas. It was NOT going to happen. I was sad about it but I was also at peace with it. Then on Christmas morning I opened a present from my sister. A wonderful pair of socks. They were the really fuzzy kind that you wear around the house instead of slippers. They're even infused with cocoa butter. I went to put them on and there was something stuck inside. I pulled it out, thinking it was some kind of tag on the sock and it was a ticket to the Beth Moore conference! (yes, I have the greatest sister ever!) I was soooooo excited! Excited doesn't even describe it. I was ecstatic. Elated. All of those kinds of words. And more.

....I hope you see from me going through this whole saga that I am not obsessed with Beth Moore because she's Beth Moore. I'm an adoring fan because the Holy spirit has used this woman's teaching in my life over the last few, insanely crucial, incredibly hard, unbelievably special years of my life to draw me ever closer to him and lead me out of places of bondage and into places of freedom. And it wasn't all Beth Moore's teaching. That is for sure. There have been several friends, mentors, pastors and teachers that God has used in my life and is still using in unimaginable ways to teach me what the abundant life in Christ really is. But he definitely used Beth Moore, her message, her story and her amazing way of explaining scripture to women. And that is why she means so much to me.

So you know that when my friend April called me Monday to tell me that Beth Moore was doing a book signing in none other than ATLANTA on Friday I just could have died. In a good way. I thought for a time it wasn't going to work out to go to the book signing, but my wonderful Heavenly Father who works out all things for me made a way. Here are the pictures from

THE BEST DAY EVER.

My Friend Jenny and I waiting in line.

Jenny's a missionary. She's on deputation.

Click here to go to her website and read all about

her wonderful self.
This is me after I ralized Beth was in the store and was willing to take pictures with each and every one of her guests.
Hugging Beth!

I told Beth something I was struggling with

and she took the time to give me advice. It

was so special to me!

My Funk

I cannot believe that I'm coming up on the one month marker of the last time I blogged. Wasn't my New Years Resolution to blog more?? I think it's the word "year" in New years resolution that overwhelms me. A year is overwhelming when I think about it all at once. So I have a new plan! A February resolution. I resolve to blog once a week during the month of February. Let's see if this line of thinking works better for me! My blogging is obviously a work in progress, which so am I, and that's actually what I have been thinking about tonight...


Besides being overwhelmed by the scary "year" word, I will be honest and tell you that I have been in such a funk the last couple of weeks! A funk that no amount of coffee, facebook, TV or even pioneer woman cooking could fix. And let me just say, for anyone that has never tried her cinnamon rolls, chicken spaghetti or meatballs that is QUITE. A. FUNK. There are not many funks that woman's food can not fix. Or at least take your mind off of for awhile.

For several days I was trying to figure out if I was in the middle of a hormonal funk or a spiritual funk and finally decided it was both. As women, when we are in a hormonal funk, it seems to make our spiritual warfare that much more difficult. Or is it only me? When my feelings feel so real and so justified and so true, how do I keep them in check? How do I NOT live out of my feelings? And it's when I'm feeling down, of course, that a lie from Satan will hit me and instead of "taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one", I tend to just agree with the lies (fiery darts) that are being thrown my way.

I hear a lie like... "you're not good enough", "this is just your lot in life" or "no one understands me" and instead of taking up the shield of faith and distinguishing those fiery darts with the TRUTH like...'I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength", "All things work together for the good of those who love him and have been called according to his purpose" or "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms", I let that thought take up residence in my mind.

And then I go a step further by believing it. I believe a lie from none other than my enemy. My enemy that I know wants only to kill, steal and destroy me. It's like superman believing something that Lex Luther says. Not that I'm superman. But you get the point. I hope. I choose to agree with my enemy and by agreeing with him I live like what he says is true.

Saying it now, out loud, it seems so silly. But so often I do just that. I accept the lie as truth, which makes me feel like the lie is true, which makes me act like the lie is true which makes me LIVE LIKE THE LIE IS TRUE. God forbid! Right? God forbid that I live like a lie straight out of hell is TRUE. So what do I do? How do I get out of this ugly cycle?

I am convinced that freedom from believing these lies comes from 2 Corinthians 10:5..." we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." The freedom is in capturing those thoughts, those lies from satan before they play out in our lives as truth. We capture them at the threshold of the mind. We recognize the ploys of an enemy who "walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour." Right there, in the instant that a lie pops into our head, we confront it with the truth. So much easier said than done! For me, anyway. I honestly say to you that this is a struggle for me. It is a struggle for me to, in the moment, recognize a lie for a lie and confront it with the truth. But that is my prayer. I am determined to stand firm and trust my God, rely on my God and believe my God. No longer will I beleive my enemy. I will beleive my God.

My January 1st

I love the feeling of a new year. It's like clothes right out of the dryer--all warm and refreshing and the smell....yes, January definitely has a fresh clean laundry kind of smell! Don't you think?? It's like a clean slate or a fresh box of crayons. Oh, I love it. Well, this January has been a little strange for me. I was wondering why I didn't feel all fresh and new. I had not had even one frantic urge to get in shape, organize, clean and just do...well... fresh, clean, January things that we all do. I was starting to wonder what was wrong with me.

UNTIL TODAY.

Today is my January. I should have known all along that my January wonderfulness wouldn't kick in until the 5th. See, now that I have a school aged child, our break lasts until January 5th. And we have been livin. it. up. Jammie days, movie days, cookie days, you name it...if it's fun and relaxing and TASTES GOOD...that's what we've been doing at my house.

UNTIL TODAY.

Today my alarm went off at 6 AM again.
Today I had to get the kids up, fed, dressed and out the door by 7:30.
Today I had to (brace yourself)... WORK OUT.

It's been longer than two weeks on that one. I had surgery in mid November, and had not even LOOKED at the treadmill since then. But today my routine kicked in...FULL GEAR. And let me tell you what--it was grand. So wonderful. Me, my children and even my husband slipped back into our routine so wonderfully. But of course today it was even better because it's January. And January makes all things better. At least in my head. Snicker.
I did sit down today and map out my goals and directions for fitness, nutrition, parenting, and a few other things today. I will be sharing these things at some point, but for now I have got to go to bed...the alarm will be sounding off in 8 short hours. so I bid you all farewell. And Happy warm, fuzzy, laundry smelling January to you all.

"Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind ? Should old acquaintance be forgot, and old lang syne?..."

I don't know that it was my best New Years, but I am certain it was not my worst. I was 15, I think. My sister and I had our best friends, Sara and Emily, at our house in Illinois for a visit. We had a great time at midnight going out into the snow covered yard and singing "auld lang syne." After that we went walked around the neighborhood screaming "Happy New Year" to everyone we saw, even being warned by one concerned woman, "you girls be careful...there's crazies out tonight." We thought it was so funny, and now, 12 years later, I still remember it, and warned myself (in my head of course!) on the way home from New Years Eve festivities tonight, "be careful, Sarah...there's crazies out tonight". So funny how things like that stick with you.

But tonight, it is not that memory that I am reflecting on the most. Tonight I am remembering the past year. My 2009....

It was a hard year. Very hard year. I wish I had documented the events and happenings better than I did, but unfortunately most of the years memories can only be found in my mind and in my heart instead of in a journal. But, even though they are not all written out, I remember them. And how dear and precious this hard year has been to me. Without this year, I don't know where I would be. Because, you see, this year, I have hurt, I have cried, I have panicked and I have suffered. But praise the Lord that is not all that happened this year. This year I have learned, I have been comforted, I have grown.

When I think back to where I was 1 year ago--in January of 2009--I remember my luke warm relationship with God. I remember my life of legalism and expectations. I was living to perform for my God and I was failing miserably. In 2009 I faced personal struggles and even personal crisis that caused me to have nowhere to turn but to my God. A God that I was treating as though he lived inside a scripture in an old dusty bible instead of IN ME. In 2009 God brought me to my knees...no, to my FACE before him. He brought me to a place of surrender, a place of hurting, and finally, a place of brokenness-a place of brokenness so bad that I thought I couldn't take it and then amazingly the brokenness turned into something else. It turned into a place of healing, a place of growing and a wonderful place of true, meaningful relationship with my Savior. A place I had never been before. I walked through hard situations and hard circumstances and through it all my God was revealing things to me. He was teaching me how to forgive, how to pray, how to depend on him. He was breaking down strongholds, freeing me from sin and transforming my heart. And he's still doing it. God is teaching me things so real and so true it amazes me. I know that as hard as this past year was, and as hard as some parts of my life still are, that I wouldn't change it. I wouldn't want him to take it away, because I know that all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to his purpose. I cling to the truth that God is working when I see it and when I don't see it. I believe that my savior loves me with an unimaginable love and is fighting battles for me everyday. That he is for me, and that everything he allows me to walk through is for my good and his glory. And I say that knowing full well that 2010 will bring it's own struggles, it's own hardships and it's own trials. But praise the Lord for his wonderful Grace that is sufficient for me!

"...there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ¹⁰That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:7-10